Skip to main content

NIGERIAN JUDICIARY: My Lord, Tell Me Where To Keep Your Bribe - By Niyi Osundare

 

Do I drop it in your venerable chambers

Or carry the heavy booty to your immaculate mansion

Shall I bury it in the capacious water tank

In your well laundered backyard
Or will it breathe better in the septic tank

Since money can deodorize the smelliest crime

Shall I haul it up the attic

Between the ceiling and your lofty roof

Or shall I conjure the walls to open up

And swallow this sudden bounty from your honest labour
Shall I give a billion to each of your paramours

The black, the light, the Fanta-yellow
They will surely know how to keep the loot

In places too remote for the sniffing dog

Or shall I use the particulars

Of your anonymous maidservants and manservants
With their names on overflowing bank accounts

While they famish like ownerless dogs

Shall I haul it all to your village

In the valley behind seven mountains
Where potholes swallow up the hugest jeep

And Penury leaves a scar on every house

My Lord
It will take the fastest machine
Many, many days to count this booty; and lucky bank bosses

May help themselves to a fraction of the loot

My Lord

Tell me where to keep your bribe?

The “last hope of the common man”

Has become the last bastion of the criminally rich

A terrible plague bestrides the land

Besieged by rapacious judges and venal lawyers

Behind the antiquated wig

And the slavish glove

The penguin gown and the obfuscating jargon

Is a rot and riot whose stench is choking the land

Behind the rituals and roted rigmaroles

Old antics connive with new tricks

Behind the prim-and-proper costumes of masquerades

Corruption stands, naked, in its insolent impunity

For sale to the highest bidder

Interlocutory and perpetual injunctions

Opulent criminals shop for pliant judges

Protect the criminal, enshrine the crime

And Election Petition Tribunals

Ah, bless those goldmines and bottomless booties!

Scoundrel vote-riggers romp to electoral victory

All hail our buyable Bench and conniving Bar

A million dollars in Their Lordship’s bedroom

A million euros in the parlor closet

Countless naira beneath the kitchen sink

Our courts are fast running out of Ghana-must-go’s*

The “Temple of Justice”

Is broken in every brick

The roof is roundly perforated

By termites of graft

My Lord

Tell me where to keep your bribe?

Judges doze in the courtroom

Having spent all night, counting money and various “gifts”

And the Chief Justice looks on with tired eyes
As Corruption usurps his gavel.

A million dollars in Their Lordship’s bedroom

A million euros in the parlor closet

Countless naira beneath the kitchen sink

Our courts are fast running out of Ghana-must-go’s*

The “Temple of Justice”

Credit: Niyi Osundare

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

OBOREVWORI: How Not To Glorify A 'One Chance' Governor - By Zik Gbemre

It is appalling how, in desperation to sustain its thieving hegemony over the Delta State Government since 1999, the Delta PDP had the audacity to impose the weakest, most uninformed contender, a local champion, as Governor over a state replete with accomplished men and women of immense capacity. Given this unenviable privilege, one would have expected the fortunate placeholder governor, Sheriff Oborevwori—whose only election campaign manifesto was pledging to improve on the failed leadership of Ifeanyi Okowa, his predecessor—to engage creative minds and individuals of proven integrity to assist him in making a difference. Rather than doing the needful, Oborevwori has worsened matters by electing to engage the same spent leaders, deadwood, and gluttons that have gained prominence in running the state down over successive administrations. The result has been a government of mediocre officeholders competing to run the state for their pockets at the detriment of the populace, under a gove...

EDO GUBER ELECTION: Omo-Agege, Faith Majemite, Others Appointed Into APC National Campaign Council

Ahead of the September 21 governorship election in Edo State, the National Working Committee of the All Progressives Congress (APC) unveiled a 197-member council on Wednesday to lead its campaign. According to the list released by APC National Organising Secretary, Sulaiman Argungu, Cross River State Governor Bassey Otu has been appointed as the chairman of the campaign council. Governor Otu will be supported by Katsina State Governor Dikko Radda as co-chairman and former Edo State Governor Adams Oshiomhole as deputy chairman. Other members of the 197-member team include Senator Ovie Omo-Agege, who will serve as Assistant Secretary; Senate President Godswill Akpabio; Speaker of the House of Representatives, Tajudeen Abbas; Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo; Ogun State Governor, Dapo Abiodun; Lagos State Governor, Babajide Sanwo-Olu; Hon. Faith Majemite; and other governors elected on the APC platform. The recently reinstated Deputy Governor of Edo, Philip Shaibu, who recently defecte...

THE ENDURING LEGACY OF LEADERSHIP: Chief James Ibori Celebrated for His Impact on Delta State

On Friday, May 31st, during the funeral service for the Late Asagba of Asaba, the essence of true leadership was vividly displayed. The service featured the introduction of various dignitaries, including Senator George Akume, Secretary to the Government of the Federation who represented President Bola Tinubu, Governor Sheriff Oborevwori, Governor Godwin Obaseki, and Former Governor Ifeanyi Okowa. As each dignitary was introduced, the church remained silent. However, the atmosphere dramatically changed when the name of Former Governor James Ibori was announced; the congregation erupted in wide jubilation and applause. This reaction was so profound that even Senator George Akume and Governor Obaseki could not hide their astonishment. The enthusiastic reception for Chief James Ibori during this solemn occasion highlighted his enduring legacy among the people of Delta State. Despite having left office seventeen years ago, he continues to be celebrated whenever he attends public functions i...